Some days, they wake up bad. You feel cranky before you even open your eyes. Every breath exhaled sounds like a freight truck and makes you want to scream. On those days, I’m the farthest from present. Here’s a donut for breakfast. A cookie for lunch. It’s whatever is easiest and satiates the demands quickest. Don’t sit on my lap. I’m busy, just go play. I need some space, a quiet escape. I should have just stayed in bed.
They deserve more. Some days, I’m just not able to give it.
When those days happen, I apologize to my kids for not giving my all. I hold them extra tight when I can and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Then the next day comes and with any luck, you get out of bed with a bit more bounce. Instead of dreading what it brings, you wish your children good morning, and mean it.
On those days, I am present and aware. I play outside with my daughter. I pretend to fly to the moon with her, making silly sounds and faces, running in circles as if we’re ascending into space. We take a walk to dig for rocks without checking my watch every minute. When we come back indoors, Abby asks for markers and we sit and color together. Drawing flowers and learning letters. I don’t even care if she accidentally marks the shirt she’s wearing. After the boys come home from school, I listen intently as Jedi remarks about his day. I applaud the attempt Buzz is making. We skate across the smooth kitchen floor. I laugh instead of cry. I’m still thankful for bedtime, but I do it feeling full instead of empty.
Those days are better. They are good. I wish I knew their secret.
Hang in there C! I usually convince myself that my cranky feelings will pass. And usually they do. When I hold on to them too long, a belly laugh from my daughter reminds me of all the goodness.
I think everyone’s like that – having up and down days constantly. Also? Now I want a donut and a cookie and to fly to the moon.
@Megan (Best of Fates), True, but is it too much to ask for all of them to be good? Although it seems ridiculous for a day to be bad when donuts are involved.
@Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri, Thanks. The good are good, but the bad always seem to be worse.
I think it’s so important to apologize…so kids know you are human and it’s ok to make mistakes…but everyone has cranky days so don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes motherhood is just too much!