How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. We’ve been through some times, you and I. On the surface, our courtship was wonderful. In fact, I barely even remember you’re there on most occasions. The promises you made when we first got together after the birth of my daughter have been kept. It’s been almost too good to be true, actually.
At first, we were so giddy together. You’ve never given me any trouble, aside from some light spotting on occasion. You seem to like surprises and I’ve learned to go with the flow. Pardon my pun.
Recently, however, I’ve began taking more stock in my feelings. The truth of the matter is, I think you’re making me crazy. Moody, upset, irritable, lack of interest. I wouldn’t say depressed, exactly, but definitely not happy. Not to mention the acne of an oily 14 year old girl, my hair falling out in sprawling clumps, and a perpetually bloated 4 month pregnant appearance that by all accounts should have gone away by now. It’s your fault I’m ugly and mean, Mirena.
Upon doing some research, I found that you were like this with a lot of girls. I don’t know why I never put the two together before. You could have at least warned of your incompatible ways. It might have saved me from a few, let’s just call them “episodes”.
Which is why I scheduled an appointment to have you removed from my life. It’s not you, it’s me. Well, it is you, actually. Or at least I hope it is. Because I’m really looking forward to feeling like myself again.
It was fun while it lasted, kind of.