Shaved: A Birthday Tale

Today is my mom’s 64th birthday. In celebration, I thought I would share a phone conversation we recently had. Because you never know quite what you’re going to get when talking with my mom. Also, this is the reason why I don’t tell my family about my website.

In a hushed tone, my mother begins, “I think your brother’s shaved.”

Now, I know she’s not talking about his face, because he shaves that every day. So at this point, I’m wondering whether I really want to further this discussion. I take a cautious step forward. “What?”

Still almost whispering, she continues, “Your brother. I think he had his back and chest shaved.”

Since it could be worse, and I’m slightly amused at her reaction, “Did he have a lot of hair on his back?”

“He had hair everywhere. Then he took off his shirt the other day and it’s all gone! I must be getting old, because it shocked me! Doesn’t that shock you?”

“Not really. Back hair probably should be shaved.”

She concedes, “I guess so. I’ve just never known anyone to shave like that before.”

Yes, Mom, you are getting old. And I now know more about my brother’s body hair than I ever wanted to.

She then told me that I couldn’t tell ANYONE. She made me swear. As if my brother’s newly shorn back is a matter of national security. That’s fine, Mom, I won’t tell ANYONE. I’ll just tell the ENTIRE INTERNET. Happy Birthday!